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One of my fav older jokes..
There was this little boy named Johnny Fuckitfaster. Johnny was a little bastard who terrorized everyone in school because his father was the principal. His father was a scary and intimidating man and the entire teaching staff was terrified of him. So one day Johnny decides he wants to fuck his hot teacher. So he walks into her classroom after school and says "push everything on your desk onto the floor"
The teacher says no.
Johnny says "if you don't, I'll tell my dad!!"
She says okay.
Johnny says "Now take off your clothes and lay down on the desk".
She says no.
Johnny says "if you don't, I'll tell my dad!!"
She says ok.
So Johnny climbs ontop of the teacher and starts fucking the shit out of her. His father walks in on them and says "JOHNNY FUCKITFASTER!!"
Johnny says "I'm trying dad!!!"
Live for nothing or die for something.
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how do you get a black kid to stop jumping on the bed?
- put velcro on the ceiling..
How do you get him down?
- get the mexican kids from down the street and tell them it's a pinata.
An oldie but goodie.
the ninja monkeys are meeting as we speak, plotting my demise
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What do you call a truckload of vibrators? toys for twats
What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? Gag
What do you do if your girl friend starts smoking? Slow down and start using lube
How do you make five pounds of fat look good? Put a nipple on it
and if we're not excluding racist jokes............................
What do you call three Asians, a Hispanic person, and four black people? A sprinkler system. chink chink chink spick nigger nigger nigger nigger
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How do you drown a blonde?
Put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of a pool.
What do you call someone who's only part Jew?
Jew-ish.
lame, I know.
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Rank: Advanced Member
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Hahaha, you guys are awesome.
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Found this on goofball.com.
Billy, a little boy with a speech impediment, decided to go shopping one day.
He first went to the grocery store, and walked down the candy isle. He picked out a packet of gum, walked to the counter, and asked the clerk, "How mush is this bum?" The clerk looked at the little boy and was confused until he saw the gum the boy had in his hands. He rang the gum up and let the boy on his way.
Then Billy decided it was time to go to the hardware store. He walked in and knew exactly what he wanted but didn't know where to find it. So he walked up a counter and asked, "Where can I find a fuckit?" The man looked at the little boy. He asked the boy to explain, and after five minutes of practically playing sharades, he figured out that the little boy wanted a bucket. So the little boy bought his bucket and went on his way.
Next stop? The pet store...and little Billy loved nothing more than cocker spaniels. He exitedly ran into the store searching for a cocker, and finally rest his eyes on one. He ran to the clerk and tugged on his apron, asking, "I want the cock and spankit!" The clerk saw the puppy that the boy was pointing at and instantly knew what he wanted. The little boy finally got himself a dog.
Happily satisfied with his shopping choices, he walked towards his own home to show everyone what he had gotten. As he was walking along, the puppy got a little too excited and started to jump around and get off the leash. Finally the puppy yanked the leash so hard, that the little boy's hand lost grip.
As this happened the little boy ran up to and old man on the sidewalk and asked him, "Will you hold my bum and fuckit, while I chase my cock and spankit?"
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Rank: Advanced Member
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what do you call a redhead in between two blondes?
an interpreter.
what do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
pull the pin and throw it back.
how can you tell a blonde has been at a computer?
there's white out on the screen.
how does a blonde turn on the lights after sex?
she opens the car door.
now if you want a rascist joke:
there is a black guy, a polish guy, a texan, and a southern guy...
they make a bet to see who can stay up on top of this cliff the longest,
and they could bring only two items with them...
so the black guy says, I want my olde english 800, and my hair grease.
The texan says, I want my Jack Daniels, and my guns.
The polish guy says, I want two bottles of vodka.
and the southern guy says, i want two bottles of southern comfort.
So, they get their things, and head up to the top of the cliff.
After a few days, the polish guy finishes his vodka, and throws the bottles
off the cliff, and they others ask why did you do that? and he says, thats what we
do in poland. a few hours later the texan finishes his Jack Daniels, throws the bottle
in the air, and shoots it with his guns. the others ask, why did you do that? and
he says, thats how we do it in texas. a few hours later, the southern guy finishes his
southern comfort, picks up the black guy and throws him off the cliff.. and the others ask
him why did you do that??!! and he says, thats how we do it in the south.
I'm going to hell for that one, lol
the ninja monkeys are meeting as we speak, plotting my demise
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Rascist
A black guy and a beaner are in a car. Whos driving?
The Cop
Whats the difference between a jew and a pizza?
The pizza doesnt scream in the oven
What do an apple and a black guy have in common?
They both look good hanging from trees
Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris doesnt tea bag a woman, he potato sacks them
Once a month, chuck norris fucks every woman on the planet at the same time, causing them to bleed profusely. We know this as the period.
While practicing in his home, chuck norris delivered a kick so fast, that it broke the space time continuum, traveling back in time, killing MLK
A man walks into his therapists office, naked and covered in saran wrap. He tells the doctor he needs help, and the doctor says "I know, I can see your nuts!"
-Will
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What do you get when you put a baby in a blender.......
...................an erection.
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Rank: Guest
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Guest wrote:What do you get when you put a baby in a blender.......
...................an erection. O_o
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Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Member
Joined: 5/23/2008
Posts: 362
Points: 607
Location: Southern California
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Guest wrote:What do you get when you put a baby in a blender.......
...................an erection. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.
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Rank: Member
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Joined: 12/30/2008
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Location: your back yard
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Guest wrote:What does a Tornado and a Nigga have in common?
It only takes on to phuck up a nice neighborhood.
...Racist? for sure! What do you call a black abortion agency? Crime provention. teehee
The death of one is a tragedy, but the death of a million is just a statistic
I wanna see, the constitution burn,
Wanna watch the white house overturn.
Wanna witness some blue blood bleed red.
I wanna tar and lynch the KKK,
I wanna pull and shoot the NRA yeah yeah yeah.
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Rank: Member
Groups: Member
Joined: 12/30/2008
Posts: 13
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Location: your back yard
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Annik wrote:Guest wrote:What do you get when you put a baby in a blender.......
...................an erection. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. What is the difference between a truck bed full of dead babies and one full of bowling balls? You cant unload the bowling balls with a pitch fork
The death of one is a tragedy, but the death of a million is just a statistic
I wanna see, the constitution burn,
Wanna watch the white house overturn.
Wanna witness some blue blood bleed red.
I wanna tar and lynch the KKK,
I wanna pull and shoot the NRA yeah yeah yeah.
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Rank: Member
Groups: Member
Joined: 12/30/2008
Posts: 13
Points: 39
Location: your back yard
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LordDamien666 wrote:what do you call a redhead in between two blondes?
an interpreter.
what do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
pull the pin and throw it back.
how can you tell a blonde has been at a computer?
there's white out on the screen.
how does a blonde turn on the lights after sex?
she opens the car door.
now if you want a rascist joke:
there is a black guy, a polish guy, a texan, and a southern guy...
they make a bet to see who can stay up on top of this cliff the longest,
and they could bring only two items with them...
so the black guy says, I want my olde english 800, and my hair grease.
The texan says, I want my Jack Daniels, and my guns.
The polish guy says, I want two bottles of vodka.
and the southern guy says, i want two bottles of southern comfort.
So, they get their things, and head up to the top of the cliff.
After a few days, the polish guy finishes his vodka, and throws the bottles
off the cliff, and they others ask why did you do that? and he says, thats what we
do in poland. a few hours later the texan finishes his Jack Daniels, throws the bottle
in the air, and shoots it with his guns. the others ask, why did you do that? and
he says, thats how we do it in texas. a few hours later, the southern guy finishes his
southern comfort, picks up the black guy and throws him off the cliff.. and the others ask
him why did you do that??!! and he says, thats how we do it in the south.
I'm going to hell for that one, lol the last one made me giggle :) 
The death of one is a tragedy, but the death of a million is just a statistic
I wanna see, the constitution burn,
Wanna watch the white house overturn.
Wanna witness some blue blood bleed red.
I wanna tar and lynch the KKK,
I wanna pull and shoot the NRA yeah yeah yeah.
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Rank: Member
Groups: Member
Joined: 12/30/2008
Posts: 13
Points: 39
Location: your back yard
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Guest wrote:What do you call a truckload of vibrators? toys for twats
What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? Gag
What do you do if your girl friend starts smoking? Slow down and start using lube
How do you make five pounds of fat look good? Put a nipple on it
and if we're not excluding racist jokes............................
What do you call three Asians, a Hispanic person, and four black people? A sprinkler system. chink chink chink spick nigger nigger nigger nigger Meh the last one could use some work. I have one that I enjoy for you hehe. What is the differance between a black person that got ran over and a dog that has been run over? the dog has skid marks leading up to it. :)
The death of one is a tragedy, but the death of a million is just a statistic
I wanna see, the constitution burn,
Wanna watch the white house overturn.
Wanna witness some blue blood bleed red.
I wanna tar and lynch the KKK,
I wanna pull and shoot the NRA yeah yeah yeah.
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Rank: Member
Groups: Member
Joined: 12/30/2008
Posts: 13
Points: 39
Location: your back yard
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sexymutha85 wrote:One of my fav older jokes..
There was this little boy named Johnny Fuckitfaster. Johnny was a little bastard who terrorized everyone in school because his father was the principal. His father was a scary and intimidating man and the entire teaching staff was terrified of him. So one day Johnny decides he wants to fuck his hot teacher. So he walks into her classroom after school and says "push everything on your desk onto the floor"
The teacher says no.
Johnny says "if you don't, I'll tell my dad!!"
She says okay.
Johnny says "Now take off your clothes and lay down on the desk".
She says no.
Johnny says "if you don't, I'll tell my dad!!"
She says ok.
So Johnny climbs ontop of the teacher and starts fucking the shit out of her. His father walks in on them and says "JOHNNY FUCKITFASTER!!"
Johnny says "I'm trying dad!!!" That joke is hella old school hehe.
The death of one is a tragedy, but the death of a million is just a statistic
I wanna see, the constitution burn,
Wanna watch the white house overturn.
Wanna witness some blue blood bleed red.
I wanna tar and lynch the KKK,
I wanna pull and shoot the NRA yeah yeah yeah.
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Rank: Member
Groups: Member
Joined: 12/30/2008
Posts: 13
Points: 39
Location: your back yard
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Annik wrote:Regretful Morning wrote:Women's rights What do you call 50 feminist activists and 50 women with battered wife syndrome? 100 women who don't know when to shut the fuck up. lawl :D that made me giggle :D
The death of one is a tragedy, but the death of a million is just a statistic
I wanna see, the constitution burn,
Wanna watch the white house overturn.
Wanna witness some blue blood bleed red.
I wanna tar and lynch the KKK,
I wanna pull and shoot the NRA yeah yeah yeah.
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Rank: Member
Groups: Member
Joined: 12/30/2008
Posts: 13
Points: 39
Location: your back yard
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Annik wrote:It's nice to have a thread under my topic that is non-sexual (not that I don't enjoy the sex talk), so tell me a joke. It can be any joke you want. I have a pretty off-the-wall, offensive, and politically incorrect sense of humor, so no holds barred.
How many kids with ADD does it take to change a lightbulb? Wanna go bike riding? BWAHAHAHA how many dead babies does it take to paint a wall? it depends on how hard you throw them. What goes "plop plop fizz fizz"? two dead babies in a vat of acid.
The death of one is a tragedy, but the death of a million is just a statistic
I wanna see, the constitution burn,
Wanna watch the white house overturn.
Wanna witness some blue blood bleed red.
I wanna tar and lynch the KKK,
I wanna pull and shoot the NRA yeah yeah yeah.
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Rank: Newbie
Groups: Member
Joined: 12/29/2008
Posts: 7
Points: 21
Location: England
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dead baby jokes? nice  whats the difference between a dead baby and an apple? you dont cum on the apple before you eat it. whats the difference between a pile of dead babys and a corvette? i dont have a corvette in my garage. whats funnier than a dead baby? a dead baby in a clown suit.
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Rank: Newbie
Groups: Member
Joined: 11/3/2008
Posts: 1
Points: 3
Location: England
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Why doesn't Tigger have any friends...? Because he plays with poo. A man and his 12 year old daughter go to see their local docotor and the man asks for her to be put on the pill. The doctor looks shocked and asks "What? Is she sexually active?" The man replies "Nah, she just lays there like her mother!" What's worse then finding a worm in your apple? Getting raped. 
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