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@ Holy mother of mary, I wouldn't have posted my joke on the previous page, had I read yours, its okay anyway, its the same shit, different story line. I actually remembered that joke because of the 1 chick 1 fruit basket video.
Here's some Juden jokes.
> Question: What is the difference between a bar of soap and a Jew?
> Answer: A bar of soap doesn't lie.
>
> Question: How many Jews can you get in a Volkswagen Beetle?
> Answer: 304, two in the front, two in the back and the rest in the
> ashtrays.
>
> A Rabbi addresses a group of Jews in a concentration camp. The Rabbi
> says "My fellow Yids, I have some good news and some bad news... The
> good news is, we are all going to England... the bad news is we are all
> going as bars of Palmolive soap!"
gotta ton of em, I'll post 'em later...
I love DP
My favorite Sody Pop with my favorite sex position.
what's yours?
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buttnutt wrote:hitler talks to 3 jews:
hitler: how high can you jump jew1?
jew1: 1 metre.
hitler gives him one bread and one bucket of water.
hitler: how high can you jump jew2?
jew2: 2 metres.
hitler gives him two breads and two buckets of water.
hitler: how high can you jump jew3?
jew3 thinks hmmm..1m= 1 bucket+1bread, 2m= 2 buckets and 2 breads and answers:
3 metres.
hitler: SHOOOT HIM!!! HE CAN JUMP OVER THE WALL!!! [Im German] Please, no jokes about concentration camps... my grandpa died in one. ... ... ... he fell off the watch tower :P
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[sry if my english skills suck, im from germany and only 18^^]
Three guys are walking through a forest. A fairy shows up and tells them that each of them has 3 wishes free.
Guy#1: "alright, i want a huge palace!"
The fairy clicks her fingers. "your wish is fulfilled"
Guy#2: "I want a giant yacht!"
Fairy: "your wish is fulfilled"
Guy#3: "hmmm, alright. i want my left arm move in a circle all the time."
Fairy: "thats a really weird wish, are you sure you want that?"
guy#3: "yes. i am absolutely sure."
Fairy: "alright, then, your wish is fulfilled"
And the guy's left arm starts moving in a circle.
Guy#1: "my second wish is so much money that i will never be able to spend everything in my whole life!"
Fairy: "your wish is fulfilled"
Guy#2: "i want so many women that even if i sleep with a different one every day, i will not be able to sleep with all of them in my whole life!"
Fairy: "your wish is fulfilled"
Guy#3: "OK, now i want my RIGHT arm to move in a circle."
Fairy: "are you really, really sure that you wish THAT?"
Guy#3: "yes, i am really, really sure."
Fairy: "your wish is fulfilled"
And the guy's right arm starts moving in a circle.
Guy#1: "ok my last wish is this: i want to own the biggest diamond in the world!"
Fairy: "your wish is fulfilled"
Guy#2: "as my last wish, i want to own so many hot cars, that i can drive in a different one every day, and still i wont be able to drive all of them in my whole life!"
Fairy: "your wish is fulfilled"
Guy#3: "ok, my last wish is: i want my head to nod all the time!"
Fairy: "dude, noone has ever had such strange wishes. are you really sure? it will be irreversible!"
Guy#3: "Yes, I am really, really, and absolutely sure."
Fairy: "alright, your wish is fulfilled!"
---
2 years later, the 3 guys meet again. Guy#2 asks Guy#1 how it's going.
Guy#1: Oh its absolutely great, i still have not seen all rooms of my palace, i still have trillions of dollars, and everyone loves me and wants to see my huge diamond! How have you been?"
Guy#2: Absolutely Fantastic! I spend every day on my yacht, i sleep with a different woman every day and when im on land, i always drive a different car!"
guy#1 and guy#2 look at guy#3, whose arms are moving in a circle and whose head is nodding all the time, and ask: "so, how have you been?"
Guy#3 looks at them, and says:
"dudes. my wishes suck."
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[Im German] Please, no jokes about concentration camps... my grandpa died in one. ... ... ... he fell off the watch tower :P[/quote] My ex. girlfriend was from Germany, she told me when I first met her that the holocaust was a bloody lie. A fabrication in order to gain sympathy for the Zionist cause, I have nothing against Jews, I don't wish to get too political, but I have to say, the holocaust never happened to the extent the Zionist say it did. She told me it brings her to tears how the world looks at Germans and sees innocent children and peoples blood on their hands, I kinda sympathize with German people because I am Arab, and the government did 9-11 and blamed it on Arabs, those fucking CIA agents like Osama and Saddam made us look bad.
I love DPMy favorite Sody Pop with my favorite sex position. what's yours?
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Why does L.A. have so many fags and N.Y. so many niggers?
L.A. had first choice!
What does NAACP stand for?
Now Apes Are Called People
What do you call 1,000 niggers going down a hill?
A mudslide!
What do Nikes and the KKK have in common?
They both make niggers run fast!
Why is there no black Miss America pageant?
Nobody want's to be Ms. Idaho!
No you Da Ho!
What do you get when you cross a nigger and a gorilla?
A dumb gorilla!
How do you get a nigger to wear a condom?
Put a Nike logo on it!
Why haven't any niggers died from West Nile virus?
Mosquitoes don't land on shit, only flies do!
What happened when the Nigger looked up his family tree?
A gorilla shat on his face!
Why is a nigger like a vending machine?
Neither work, but they both take your money!
Same can be applied for a Jew, I would know I am from NY, live across the street from Brooklyn(more than 2Million Jews)
Why are blacks so tall?
Their knee grows.
What do you call a bunch of old niggers in a barn?
Antique farm equipment!
Why does Stevie Wonder always smile?
He doesn't know he's black.
What's the difference between bigfoot and a working nigger?
Bigfoot's been spotted!
What's the definition of Mass Confusion?
Fathers day in Harlem!
What do you call a nigger with an afro?
Microphone
What's long, dark and stinks?
The unemployment line!
Why do niggers and spics always have nice clothes, jewelry and cars but still live in shitty houses?
They haven't figured out how to steal houses yet!
Why can't Ray Charles or Stevie Wonder read?
They're niggers!
A nymphomaniac woman meets a black guy and invites him back to her place. She handcuffs herself to the bed and screams, "Do what you black men do best!". The nigger grabs the TV and runs!
How does a niggress take a pregnancy test? She sticks a banana up her pussy, if it comes out half-eaten you know there's another monkey on the way!
What's 8 miles long and has a combined IQ of 56? The Martin Luther King Day parade
What's the difference between a nigger and Batman? Batman can go out at night without Robbin
What's the worst thing you can call a black man, starting with N and ending with R?
Neighbor!
A nigger with a parrot walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, where did you get that?"
The parrot says, "Africa! There are millions of them over there just sitting around"
What does NAACP stand for?
Niggers Are Always Causing Problems
What do you call a black man in high school?
Janitor
Why do niggers keep chickens in their back yards?
To teach their kids how to walk.
How do you starve a nigger?
Hide his foodstamps under his work boots.
How long does it take a nigress to take a shit?
9 months
What does NAACP stand for?
Niggers Around America Causing Problems
If life were a jacket where would the niggers live?
In the hood
What do you call a busload of niggers?
A rotten banana
Why are all the niggers fast runners?
All the slow ones are in jail.
Whats the difference between niggers and snow tires?
Snow tires don't sing when you put chains on them!
Why do white folks go to nigger garage sales?
To get their stuff back.
What does a nigger and sperm have in common?
Only about 1 out of two million actually work.
How do you get a nigger to leave you alone?
Throw him a basketball!
What's the difference between a naked white woman and a naked black woman?
One's on the cover of Playboy and the other's on the cover of National Geographic
Why don't niggers dream?
The last one to have a dream got shot.
What do you call a white man in a group of twenty black men?
Tarzan of the apes
What's the difference between a nigger and an orange?
The orange is alive when you take it off the tree
How did blacks invent break-dancing?
Trying to steal hubcaps off moving cars. (same can be applied for Mexicans)
Why are niggers so good at basketball?
It's the only game where they can run, shoot and steal
What do a slinky and a nigger have in common?
Both are useless and it's fun to watch them both falling down the stairs
How do you get 30 niggers into a Volkswagon?
Throw in a welfare check.
How do you get them out?
Throw in a job application!
What does NBA stand for?
Niggers Bouncing Around
A little nigger was helping it's grandma in the kitchen, spilling some flour on his face he looked up and said, "Look grandma! I'm a white boy now!" His grandma whooped his ass and told him to go tell his mom what he'd said. He goes into the living room and says, "Look momma! I'm a white boy now!" His mom whoops his ass and tells him to go tell his father what he'd told her. He walks outside and says, "Look pappy! I'm a white boy now!" His father whoops his ass and then asks him what he learned. He says, "I've only been white for five minutes and I already hate you fucking niggers!"
Why are people like jelly beans?
Nobody likes the black ones!
What do you call a nigger in tree wearing a suit and holding a briefcase?
Branch manager!
What's a nigger got in common with a bike?
Neither can work without chains
Why are niggers so good at football?
They grow up around hit and runs
Why do dogs lick their assholes?
To get the taste of nigger out of their mouths.
Why does New York have niggers while California has earthquakes?
California got first pick!
What's the difference between a White owl and a black owl?
The White owl says, "Who! Who!", while the black owl says, "Who dat! Who dat!"
Did you hear about the new black Barbie?
She comes with 12 kids, AIDS and a welfare check.
What does RAP stand for?
Retarded and poor, Rob and Plunder, Riot and Pound
Why do people hit things when they don't work?
It worked with the slaves!
What's the difference between MLK day and St. Patrick's day?
Everyone wants to be Irish on St. Patrick's day!
What do you get when you cross Michael Jackson with Arnold Schwarzenegger?
Michael Wasanegger
I got a whole bunch of em, Nigger Jokes, Jew Jokes, Arab jokes, Fag jokes, Asian jokes, Indian jokes....
I love DP
My favorite Sody Pop with my favorite sex position.
what's yours?
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How do u make a 6 yro cry twice? U wipe you bloody dick on her favorite teddy bear.
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TPU_contributor wrote:Here's a joke that I heard a LOOONG time ago from a friend. I wrote it down though, still remember it exactly how he told me. A plane crashes over the amazon, and there are three men aboard who jump with parachutes to safety, whilst they are trying to find there way to civilization, they come across a bunch of Native cannibal Amazonian tribesmen. They are then taken prisoner and brought before their chief, the Chief commands all of them to bring him ten fruits from the rain forest. The first man comes back with ten big bright red juicy apples, the chief then instructs the man to shove those apples up his rectum. The man does as such, or else he'll be killed. If he shoves all those fruit up his ass, the Savages will take him to a near by town where he will be flown back to his Native land. If he fails he will be slaughtered and eaten. So, the first apple, Ahhh, ahhh, and up it goes, the man's sphincters burst open and blood gushes profusely , the man faints, and shits out the apple with blood all over it, he is killed and made into a delicious barbarian's dinner. The Second man, cleverly see's what had happened to the first man. Noticing his mistake he picks 10 small itsy bitsy berries. As the 2nd man is shoving the berries up his ass, One, Two, Three, Four, Five Six, Seven, Eight, Nine,....He burst into laughter, shits out all the berries, and is immediately killed. So the two men meet up in Heaven, the 1st man asked the 2nd man, "Why'd you burst into laughter, you were so damn close to winning? The 2nd man replied, " I saw the 3rd guy walking back towards the tribe carrying 10 watermelons". I wrote this joke By the way...  lol that's a good one Though when I heard this joke it was pinnapple instead of watermelon ;D
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What are the four toughest years in a cop's life? the 1st class in the elementary school  a good one in german at least ;)
A Gentleman never tells...
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Rome gotti wrote:How do u make a 6 yro cry twice? U wipe you bloody dick on her favorite teddy bear. OMG! That is wrong on SO many levels!
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Goodyear just came out with brand new Kosher tires.
Stops on a dime ... picks it up.
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A big fat black guy was walking down the beach when he came across a strange looking bottle. He picked it up and rubbed it and surprise, surprise, a genie came out. The genie said " You know the deal. You get 3 wishes." The black guy says "Easy. I want to be white, thin, and surrounded by pussy."
The genie turned him into a tampon.
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vinnieskywalker wrote:Rome gotti wrote:How do u make a 6 yro cry twice? U wipe you bloody dick on her favorite teddy bear. OMG! That is wrong on SO many levels! Never said I agreed with it I just said it cause it was phucked
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TPU_contributor wrote:Here's a joke that I heard a LOOONG time ago from a friend. I wrote it down though, still remember it exactly how he told me. A plane crashes over the amazon, and there are three men aboard who jump with parachutes to safety, whilst they are trying to find there way to civilization, they come across a bunch of Native cannibal Amazonian tribesmen. They are then taken prisoner and brought before their chief, the Chief commands all of them to bring him ten fruits from the rain forest. The first man comes back with ten big bright red juicy apples, the chief then instructs the man to shove those apples up his rectum. The man does as such, or else he'll be killed. If he shoves all those fruit up his ass, the Savages will take him to a near by town where he will be flown back to his Native land. If he fails he will be slaughtered and eaten. So, the first apple, Ahhh, ahhh, and up it goes, the man's sphincters burst open and blood gushes profusely , the man faints, and shits out the apple with blood all over it, he is killed and made into a delicious barbarian's dinner. The Second man, cleverly see's what had happened to the first man. Noticing his mistake he picks 10 small itsy bitsy berries. As the 2nd man is shoving the berries up his ass, One, Two, Three, Four, Five Six, Seven, Eight, Nine,....He burst into laughter, shits out all the berries, and is immediately killed. So the two men meet up in Heaven, the 1st man asked the 2nd man, "Why'd you burst into laughter, you were so damn close to winning? The 2nd man replied, " I saw the 3rd guy walking back towards the tribe carrying 10 watermelons". I wrote this joke By the way... Wow. You just butchered my joke. 
HMMoJ (Jack) x
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TPU_contributor wrote:@ Holy mother of mary, I wouldn't have posted my joke on the previous page, had I read yours, its okay anyway, its the same shit, different story line. I actually remembered that joke because of the 1 chick 1 fruit basket video. Here's some Juden jokes. > Question: What is the difference between a bar of soap and a Jew? > Answer: A bar of soap doesn't lie. > > Question: How many Jews can you get in a Volkswagen Beetle? > Answer: 304, two in the front, two in the back and the rest in the > ashtrays. Whoops, sorry  Just read this. IGNORE PREVIOUS COMMENT! That's one of my favourite jokes :d/ > > A Rabbi addresses a group of Jews in a concentration camp. The Rabbi > says "My fellow Yids, I have some good news and some bad news... The > good news is, we are all going to England... the bad news is we are all > going as bars of Palmolive soap!" gotta ton of em, I'll post 'em later... Oh nevermind, just read this comment. One of my favourite jokes :) I don't understand the jew jokes in relation to bars of soap by the way 
HMMoJ (Jack) x
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Ummm why do i have -85 points? 
HMMoJ (Jack) x
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HolyMaryMotherOfJesus wrote:TPU_contributor wrote:@ Holy mother of mary, I wouldn't have posted my joke on the previous page, had I read yours, its okay anyway, its the same shit, different story line. I actually remembered that joke because of the 1 chick 1 fruit basket video. Here's some Juden jokes. > Question: What is the difference between a bar of soap and a Jew? > Answer: A bar of soap doesn't lie. > > Question: How many Jews can you get in a Volkswagen Beetle? > Answer: 304, two in the front, two in the back and the rest in the > ashtrays. Whoops, sorry Just read this. IGNORE PREVIOUS COMMENT! That's one of my favourite jokes :d/ > > A Rabbi addresses a group of Jews in a concentration camp. The Rabbi > says "My fellow Yids, I have some good news and some bad news... The > good news is, we are all going to England... the bad news is we are all > going as bars of Palmolive soap!" gotta ton of em, I'll post 'em later... Oh nevermind, just read this comment. One of my favourite jokes :) I don't understand the jew jokes in relation to bars of soap by the way Soap used to be made from fat mixed with ashes so it's a refrence to the burning of jews, and in the early 17th Century England massively imported fine ashes for soap making.
Slowly, One by One, the Pixies steal my sanity.
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HolyMaryMotherOfJesus wrote:Ummm why do i have -85 points? Did you delete some of your posts? The same thing happened to me when i tried to hotlink some video clips. 
Slowly, One by One, the Pixies steal my sanity.
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@holymotherofmary I know I kinda ripped off ur joke, the thing is I didn't know you posted it when I posted it. Anyway,,, back to the topic of today In light of saint Patties day Two Irishmen, Patrick Murphy and Shawn O'Brian grew up together and were lifelong friends. But alas, Patrick developed cancer, and was dying. While on his deathbed, Patrick called to his buddy, Shawn, "O'Brian, come 'ere. I 'ave a request for ye." Shawn walked to his friend's bedside and kneels. "Shawny ole boy, we've been friends all our lives, and now I'm leaving 'ere. I 'ave one last request fir ye to do." O'Brian burst into tears, "Anything Patrick, anything ye wish. It's done." "Well, under me bed is a box containing a bottle of the finest whiskey in all of Ireland. Bottled the year I was born it was. After I die, and they plant me in the ground, I want you to pour that fine whiskey over me grave so it might soak into me bones and I'll be able to enjoy it for all eternity." O'Brian was overcome by the beauty and in the true Irish spirit of his friend's request, he asked, "Aye, tis a fine thing you ask of me, and I will pour the whiskey. But, might I strain it through me kidneys first?" 
I love DPMy favorite Sody Pop with my favorite sex position. what's yours?
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TPU_contributor wrote:@holymotherofmary I know I kinda ripped off ur joke, the thing is I didn't know you posted it when I posted it. Anyway,,, back to the topic of today In light of saint Patties day Two Irishmen, Patrick Murphy and Shawn O'Brian grew up together and were lifelong friends. But alas, Patrick developed cancer, and was dying. While on his deathbed, Patrick called to his buddy, Shawn, "O'Brian, come 'ere. I 'ave a request for ye." Shawn walked to his friend's bedside and kneels. "Shawny ole boy, we've been friends all our lives, and now I'm leaving 'ere. I 'ave one last request fir ye to do." O'Brian burst into tears, "Anything Patrick, anything ye wish. It's done." "Well, under me bed is a box containing a bottle of the finest whiskey in all of Ireland. Bottled the year I was born it was. After I die, and they plant me in the ground, I want you to pour that fine whiskey over me grave so it might soak into me bones and I'll be able to enjoy it for all eternity." O'Brian was overcome by the beauty and in the true Irish spirit of his friend's request, he asked, "Aye, tis a fine thing you ask of me, and I will pour the whiskey. But, might I strain it through me kidneys first?" Naah it's fine, i just realised. Thanks For the info ulmul  I think it was because i tried to post comments too close together. that's when they hit negative.
HMMoJ (Jack) x
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Oh and how did you become a member? I'm still stuck at NEWBIE
HMMoJ (Jack) x
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